The Suicide Disease

You don’t know me.  You don’t know me well.  You don’t know me well enough to know that I suffer every single day.

I don’t show it.  I never complain.  Many, many people have lives far worse than me.  I mean, really…I am smart, funny, engaging, outgoing, successful and just an all around great person.

Yet I suffer.  There is a disease that is called “the suicide disease”.  You may know what it is.  You may not.  But it’s real.  And I suffer every single day from the debilitating effects of the sister to this disease.  And it is equally as debilitating.  It’s a neurological condition that has grasped the very core of my soul and turned my life inside out.


It started as an eye twitch over eight years ago.  And now, years later….pain.  Uncontrollable muscle spams.  Suffering.  But nobody would know that this goes on for me because I choose to not complain and not be a victim.

“Known as “suicide disease,” trigeminal neuralgia, or facial pain, causes stabbing, mind-numbing pain in even a light breeze”.

Life has a way of handing us situations that make us better somehow.  Do I feel like a better person because of this disease?  Nope.  Not in the least.  But I have learned to cope in ways that most people cannot even imagine.  And I do.

Is it cancer? No.  Is it brain tumors?  No.  Is it something that puts a timeline on my existence?  Nope.  But it does make each day difficult in ways that feel more like an undercurrent than an all out death sentence.


Yet, I won’t complain.  I have so much to be grateful for.  Friends who care, family (what is left of my family) nearby, a fantastic career, a wonderful home, a sense of style and the list goes on.

After all, we are God’s creatures and we are given great opportunities to serve and be kind and help others be in a better place in life.  My thinking is:  “why not do that instead of complain”.



Silent Suffering

I sit silently suffering.

Not ever knowing what an abusive relationship felt like.

Silently waiting for someone else to turn the knife.

To twist it all the way through.

Being confident is not enough anymore.

Being smart is the enemy.

Having no ability to speak my words.

Suffering in silence.

Waiting for the next thrashing.

That moment when.

I take the gun.  Point it to the place where it’s a guarantee.

Silent suffering is what is expected.

Until I suffer no more.

YIKES! I’m a veteran. I never thought that I’d call myself that. But I am a veteran, based on production, years, overall experience, and my background in sales, marketing and technology. And this morning, I reflected on my year so far, what I’ve settled in volume and what has changed in the marketplace. As the saying goes: the more things change, the more they stay the same. [ 1,023 more word ]

Three Reasons Why 17 Years Experience Matters in Real Estate
YIKES!  I’m a veteran.  I never thought that I’d call myself that.  But I am a veteran, based on production, years, overall experience, and my background in sales, marketing and technol…
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August 01, 2017 at 09:50AM

Three Reasons Why 17 Years Experience Matters in Real Estate

YIKES!  I’m a veteran.  I never thought that I’d call myself that.  But I am a veteran, based on production, years, overall experience, and my background in sales, marketing and technology.

And this morning, I reflected on my year so far, what I’ve settled in volume and what has changed in the marketplace.  As the saying goes:  the more things change, the more they stay the same.  And this could not be more true of our industry.

But listen, I am not here to reminisce.  I’m here to share with you some valid reasons why my 17 years of experience should matter to you as a buyer, seller investor, broker or colleague.  It matters because I do this full time 24/7 365.  I live, breathe and play real estate all day every day.  My friends will tell you not to ask me about real estate when I am not working and that still holds true.  I crack up when a random stranger asks me the age old question:  “how’s the market”?  I look a bit confused because there is no way that I can answer that question within a 4 day timeframe.  I digress.

So here….what you really came for is to understand why my experience matters:

1.  I know people.  I know other agents, lenders, title companies, other buyers, sellers, sellers who are thinking of buying, buyers who are thinking of selling, home inspectors, radon companies, renovators, handymen, painters, housekeepers, lawn people, electricians, plumbers, flooring specialists, brokers, admins, babysitters, home warranty reps, banks, pet sitters, pet adoption companies, land surveyors, appraisers, vets, pool companies, deck and fence companies.  Basically I have “a guy/gal” for everything and anything you could possibly need for your real estate transaction and beyond.  I recently settled a transaction and the buyer had completely slipped on the home warranty.  After settlement, I called my rep and we got the warranty placed as if it had occurred at settlement.  This does not happen by accident.  This happens because I nurture these relationships and have nurtured them for SEVENTEEN years.

2.  Knowledge.  I know the industry inside out and upside down.  And I am a lifelong learner.  My official title is Christina Macro, Realtor©, Broker, CRB, SRES, ABR, GRI, NVAR Director.  One of my clients endearingly calls me Christina with the alphabet soup!  These designations mean something. They mean that I am always looking to learn more knowledge-vs-experienceabout my industry and the latest laws, rules and regulations.  I am a broker too, which means that I am held to a higher standard.  I had an agent call me recently asking about a financing contingency and some basic questions about this particular transaction.  She asked if thing have changed since “the last time” she settled a property.  I asked her when she “last settled a property” and her answer shocked me:  TWO YEARS ago.   And I had to breathe as I stated that yes, things have changed SIGNIFICANTLY since she “last settled” a property.  In my opinion, it is irresponsible and a code of ethics violation to be working with buyers and sellers on such a serious legal transaction without even knowing what you’ve asked your buyer or seller to sign.  Again, I digress.

I am proudly officially adding my CCIM and CIPS in the coming year.  Both are highly regarded industry designations.  I know real estate better than most.  Part of that comes from my own experiences in selling almost 200 homes and having experience with every scenario possible.  You name the challenge, I’ve dealt with it.  I promise.  If there is a possible issue that could crop up during your transaction, I know about it before it happens.  And I prepare you for the possible outcomes.  And help you to create backup plans before things get out of hand.  That comes with 17 years of dealing with buyers, sellers, lenders, title companies, home inspectors, our ever changing contract, other agents and the ever changing landscape.  And no amount of technology will help once you are in a transaction.  No amount.  There is no algorithm for incompetence.  There is no question that a buyer or seller can ask to assure that he/she is dealing with a 100% competent professional and sadly, this is not discovered until you’ve signed at the dotted line and performance is in play.  Nothing surprises me and nor should it surprise you.

3.  Agency.  I understand agency and so should you.  In my first 4-5 years I was a first time homebuyer “specialist”.  I was and still am so passionate about representing my clients.  REPRESENTING.  That means that I am walking through the process WITH you.  Guiding you to make the most informed decisions.  That means that I take this process seriously and represent YOUR best interests fully.  Why?  Because my own home buying experience was less than stellar.  I felt unrepresented, got a loan that was hugely dis-advantageous to my financial picture and was told many things throughout the course of contract to close that were actually not true.  I was told that if the property did not appraise, I would have to come up with more money.   I now work with both sellers and buyers and I am most passionate about  providing you the best guidance and advice available.  Not dual.  Not unrepresented.  You know what you won’t see me doing? Telling sellers that “I have a database of 100’s of buyers”.  Because the industry has a database of hundreds of thousands of buyers.  And I have access to the best buyers out there.  What is more important to me is FULLY representing you and your needs. I am passionate about ensuring that your rights are the priority.  Not my wallet.  Not my awards.  Not my ego.  Not a big 8 x 11 full page ad.  You won’t see me advertising a long list of properties sold.  To me, my success lies in referral business and I don’t need to shout it from the rooftops.  My clients know how 100% committed I am to protecting THEIR BEST interests.  That is all that matters to me.  And I won’t do it while compromising agency.

So, don’t be fooled.  Marketing tactics are marketing tactics.  Get real with your real estate transaction and focus on what is important to you.  Is it important that you hire someone professional, knowledgeable, full time and experienced?  Of course it is.  There is much that can and will go wrong during and after a transaction.  And stop falling into the marketing traps designed to make you believe that none of this matters because I assure you.  It does.


I Told A Lie

Yes.  Me.  I admit it.  I told a lie.  And I feel terrible about it.  And not proud.

A colleague of mine – we’ll call her colleague A – shared something with me a few weeks ago.  In confidence.  And I assured her of my commitment to keep it under my hat.  She trusts me.  And I trust her.


I spoke with another colleague the other day  – we’ll call her colleague B – and she confessed to me that she, in fact, went right to someone else with information that A shared with me.

This very information that A shared in confidence.  I shared with B and specifically told her that it was highly confidential.  I trusted B.  Come to find out, B shared it with someone else…that someone else turned right around and called A about it.  As one might expect, colleague A asked her who told her.  And she told colleague A that it started with me, specifically.   Citing my own name.

Continue reading “I Told A Lie”

Turning Pages

I am about 99% sure that this post was integral in a very recent (and by recent, I mean just this morning!) turning point in my life.

My struggles this year have been ENORMOUS. At times I gave up hope. Other times, I gave up altogether. Some days were so difficult that I found it hard to breathe. A friend described it as standing in a room with no doors. To hear that I’ll be a better person for the challenges that life brings did NOT resonate.



I am still standing. Albeit, battered, bruised and not emotionally fully sure footed yet but I have felt a slight glimmer of hope. Finally.

I got on my knees and prayed, begged and asked for a sign. An answer or some message of love. And it came.

And I now understand.

And I AM better for it. And I have my own mother to thank.

And her message was and is so clear: let go of the non believers, do away with the tyrants, set the abusers free and forget about the passive aggressive behaviors that have become a constant projection from others that detract my otherwise happy, joyful and incredible life. And it freed me.  I felt a sense of peace that I have not felt this year.  Not once.  Until now.

Thank you. You cannot even imagine just how much this short passage impacted me in finally starting to feel whole again. The pieces are still scattered but they are starting to come together again.

I have to pay this forward in hopes that someone else might need to hear and feel this message.

You are never alone.

We are all in this together.

There is hope.


Shards of Glass Inside My Soul

So, 2016 so far has disappointed me in ways that exceed my ability to comprehend. 2016 has shaken me, stirred me, rattled me and made me question my religion, my faith and my beliefs.   In everything.  Including my very own incredible strength of character.

The year began so filled with hope.  However, I soon realized that I had I jumped onboard with a company that does not value the skills that I bring to the table. So, I found my backbone and I quit. Without a job.  And three weeks later, my mother was in the hospital.  And two weeks later…she died.  Without warning.  She was supposed to be around a solid 10 more years with me.  And now she’s gone.

So, I had a month of going back and forth to Cape Cod to deal with it all…mostly to put the pieces of my mother’s life back together so that I could lay her body of bottled dust to rest and make her proud of me one last time.

They are not pieces…they are shards.  Little tiny shards of glass spewed about the universe floating around my head, my heart and my life trying to find the other pieces to fit the glass back together.  I stand in the middle of this revolving glass spectacle with glass and bits constantly whirling about my head.  Every time I turn a new corner, a new shard plants itself into my soul and bleeds it dry for another day.


These shards, these decisions, these steps that I take every day to piece together my mom’s life amd ultimately get my own life back. The chaotic existence that has now developed into my new normal.  My mother would not want it this way – she wanted nothing but happiness, beauty, joy, success and love for my life.  Yet in her very turning from a vibrant, beautiful, energetic and fun loving human form to a mound of dust has, without warning, turned my own existence into a tunnel filled with shards of glass.  Tiny pieces of who I used to be begging to reconnect with millions of intricate glass fragments to become whole.

via Daily Prompt: Chaotic

Why You Should Tell Your Own Story

I have been a Managing Broker since 2010.  I have enjoyed the role, for the most part.  I have also, at times, felt like I was nuts for taking on the emotionally charged environment of a real estate office.

I know.  I know….I am not a victim.  I accepted the challenge.  It’s lonely at the top.

I never understood why anyone would step away from managing an office;  I have always been a leader.  I love to lead and develop people.  And with all of my incredible knowledge and skills as a real estate agent, there was nothing better for someone like me!  Success through others is something near and dear to my heart.  Why would anyone step away from that?  It baffled me for years as an agent.  I am driven, focused, results oriented and successful.  I always wanted more challenge….I thought everyone felt the same way about moving up the ladder.

Continue reading “Why You Should Tell Your Own Story”

My Broken Heart…


One moment turned into a day.

One day turned into a week.

One week turned into one month.

One month turned into one year.

One year turned into two.

Two years turned to three, four, five….

I wish I could go back and change that moment.

I took it all with me…

So, I am reading “The Happiness Project”.

Sing in the morning?

I am just finished “Getting Started:  THE TWELVE COMMANDMENTS” and “Chapter 1:  Boost Energy VITALITY”.  And I had this moment.  You know the  moment.  The “A-ha”, the epiphany and the sudden inspiration of seeing a long awaited answer to “What-is-it-that-has- been- eating -away- at- my- soul?” moment.

I took it all with me.

Continue reading “I took it all with me…”