The Suicide Disease

You don’t know me.  You don’t know me well.  You don’t know me well enough to know that I suffer every single day.

I don’t show it.  I never complain.  Many, many people have lives far worse than me.  I mean, really…I am smart, funny, engaging, outgoing, successful and just an all around great person.

Yet I suffer.  There is a disease that is called “the suicide disease”.  You may know what it is.  You may not.  But it’s real.  And I suffer every single day from the debilitating effects of the sister to this disease.  And it is equally as debilitating.  It’s a neurological condition that has grasped the very core of my soul and turned my life inside out.


It started as an eye twitch over eight years ago.  And now, years later….pain.  Uncontrollable muscle spams.  Suffering.  But nobody would know that this goes on for me because I choose to not complain and not be a victim.

“Known as “suicide disease,” trigeminal neuralgia, or facial pain, causes stabbing, mind-numbing pain in even a light breeze”.

Life has a way of handing us situations that make us better somehow.  Do I feel like a better person because of this disease?  Nope.  Not in the least.  But I have learned to cope in ways that most people cannot even imagine.  And I do.

Is it cancer? No.  Is it brain tumors?  No.  Is it something that puts a timeline on my existence?  Nope.  But it does make each day difficult in ways that feel more like an undercurrent than an all out death sentence.


Yet, I won’t complain.  I have so much to be grateful for.  Friends who care, family (what is left of my family) nearby, a fantastic career, a wonderful home, a sense of style and the list goes on.

After all, we are God’s creatures and we are given great opportunities to serve and be kind and help others be in a better place in life.  My thinking is:  “why not do that instead of complain”.



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