So, 2016 so far has disappointed me in ways that exceed my ability to comprehend. 2016 has shaken me, stirred me, rattled me and made me question my religion, my faith and my beliefs. In everything. Including my very own incredible strength of character.
The year began so filled with hope. However, I soon realized that I had I jumped onboard with a company that does not value the skills that I bring to the table. So, I found my backbone and I quit. Without a job. And three weeks later, my mother was in the hospital. And two weeks later…she died. Without warning. She was supposed to be around a solid 10 more years with me. And now she’s gone.
So, I had a month of going back and forth to Cape Cod to deal with it all…mostly to put the pieces of my mother’s life back together so that I could lay her body of bottled dust to rest and make her proud of me one last time.
They are not pieces…they are shards. Little tiny shards of glass spewed about the universe floating around my head, my heart and my life trying to find the other pieces to fit the glass back together. I stand in the middle of this revolving glass spectacle with glass and bits constantly whirling about my head. Every time I turn a new corner, a new shard plants itself into my soul and bleeds it dry for another day.
These shards, these decisions, these steps that I take every day to piece together my mom’s life amd ultimately get my own life back. The chaotic existence that has now developed into my new normal. My mother would not want it this way – she wanted nothing but happiness, beauty, joy, success and love for my life. Yet in her very turning from a vibrant, beautiful, energetic and fun loving human form to a mound of dust has, without warning, turned my own existence into a tunnel filled with shards of glass. Tiny pieces of who I used to be begging to reconnect with millions of intricate glass fragments to become whole.