In my morning reflection time, I spent some time wondering why I have had to deal with some challenges that are way above my head (I mean way out there!) this year. And so way outside of my level of comprehension, understanding and far beyond my personal comfort zone. I mean WHY??? Why?? Why do others continue to disappoint me? Why do others make harsh and bitter judgement about me? Why do others make up ridiculous stories about me that are so far from who I am? And why do listeners believe these absurd stories? Why?????
When I start asking why, I am certain to be shown the answers. And knowing is not healthy. I do not want to understand how mean-spirited, bullies who have this holier-than-thou mentality really think. I don’t want to understand the thought process of people like this. I just don’t.
No one can ever understand or foresee reactions and behaviors of others. Nor should we try. That is where insanity steps in.
The true and only answer to the question “why” when I am faced with emotional, deep rooted pain in my head and in my heart?: “You asked for it, Christina”. Yes, I asked for it. Yes. Yes, I did. That answer finally comes around and repeats over and over again in my brain and in my mind; understandably, it takes a little while for me to come around to the answer because I am juggling sadness, fear, resentment, bitterness, anger and an all around whirling emotional spin that occurs when another event comes around to teach me something new.
This year, I vowed to be a better person than last. I vowed to look within myself and to be fully accountable and 100% responsible for the challenges that I face and continue to face.
When we ask for and commit to transformation – it occurs. And we have to accept and embrace the joy that comes from that ALONG with the turmoil. For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.
The world unfolds and it definitely has very little to do with me and my own thoughts. True personal growth means transcending the part of me that is not OK, the part that needs protection. (The Untethered Soul – Michael A. Singer). Amazing book.
Ultimately, I made a commitment to focus on my own happiness in 2015. I asked for transformation.
The actions,assumptions and false conclusions of me made by others?
Well, those are 100% out of my control.
So, I do what I always do when life bounces me back on the emotional roller coaster: I re-read “The Four Agreements” over and over and over again.
And that book always brings me back to center.
Never Assume Anything.
Don’t Take Anything Personally.
Always Do Your Best.
Be Impeccable with Your Word.
For me, the words jump off the pages and remove the self loathing question of “why” from my psyche and shoots me straight out of fear and into a place of love. The ability to shift from my internal pain to the pain and hurt in others when I am going through another emotional upset in my life is a result of the lessons in this book. I can release the adversarial projections of others aimed at my soul.
Every situation occurs solely for me to see it, embrace it, experience the depth and breadth of love that is actually occuring. I get to respect the situation and shift my focus on the lesson rather than the “Why”?.
Because you asked for it, that’s why.
Therein lies the peace of God.
30 Best Days.