It only took a year….

30 Best Days.

images (1)An Open Letter from My Douche-Baggy Neighbor:

Hello, I am your douche bag neighbor who won’t allow you to let the drain extender run onto the six inch strip of my property line.  I mean, with the natural curve of the mulch bed into the natural space created by the edge of the driveway where it meets the dirt/grass and allows the water to run like a sweet little stream into the street and away from your (and my, for that matter) home’s foundation

Not only that but I will keep thwarting your excellent and effective home maintenance strategies and I will continue with my passive aggressive behavior of taking your extender and redirecting into an almost full loop back into your flower beds completely negating the whole purpose of the extender: to get the water moving AWAY from the home. Not to mention the fact that the standing water that remains INSIDE the fully looped extender is a lovely place for mosquitoes and other animals to nest;  ahhh, yes…..I do love creating standing pools of water in the neighborhood, specifically your yard, to breed amazing creatures and funky water smells!

And I will keep acting like a giant passive-aggressive dick-head until you keep your extender exactly on your property line – forcing you to have to do THIS…….

frontbed

Yes, my fine neighbor, I will not stop until you have to basically dig up all your mulch, re-position the extender and make the bed look absolutely ridiculous at precisely my property line.

Oh and yes, cannot forget this, too!!! Because and only because I love to be a total ass wipe and shitty homeowner, you can see that my gutter will send any water directly through my downspout, onto my BACKWARDS plastic diverter. Which, by the way won’t DIVERT anything at all when it is placed backwards under the downspout. It will now POOL the water at precisely the worst possible location for water to pool outside of the home: the corner joint of the foundation. Because you know what, neighbor? I am brilliant like that!

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